Why does authenticity keep you safe?
- Kelly Barry
- Aug 4, 2020
- 4 min read
Why does authenticity keep you safe?
What is authenticity anyway, and why do we need it???
Besides being the difference between something real and fake, (like a crisp US $100 bill vs. monopoly money,) it means being honest with yourself about how you really feel at any given time on any topic or situation.
This perspective enables you to be honest, vulnerable, and connected all at the same time. When you decide to acknowledge your feelings, (even just to yourself) the opportunity to be truly understood reveals itself. When you are willing to share your feelings others can show their support. This increased understanding brings out an interconnectedness that would never have an opportunity to develop if we kept a poker face. How you reveal your true thoughts makes all the difference. Keeping blame and judgement out of the equation and just basically explaining how you feel about a situation is key in not sparking defense in those around you.
When we keep everything to ourselves, sometimes not even admitting internally that we are feeling inner resistance we are setting the stage for many possible detrimental outcomes. One of them is disease. Overtime the body finds ways to take care of internalized emotions. This stored negative energy will present itself in the form of depression and actual physical illness. (DIS-EASE) When this happens a buildup of this could be called burnout, it called big called cancer, it could even be called suicide. Risk of physical and mental illness can be significantly reduced if we learn to live authentically.
Another byproduct of hiding our emotions is that other people don't understand what we're going through and that can make them afraid of us. One day while I was giving a ground-work lesson to a client and her horse I noticed the horse was getting more and more afraid of its owner. He was at risk of injuring himself with the behavior he was exhibiting, although he was being truly authentic. She wasn't doing anything predatory that the average person could see. I noticed that she had what I call a “Pacman face” on. Pinching her lips together in a horizontal line, not breathing very deeply and not showing any emotion good or bad. I asked her to stop what they were doing and come over to the fence where I was sitting. I asked her, “Are you OK?” She began to cry, telling me of a problem she had been keeping inside. At this moment her formerly freaked out horse put his head down, let his breath out walked over and put the front of his big head right up to her chest as if to say ”I’m here for you.” All she needed to do was be authentic to allow him to get out of survival mode. Sometimes it takes an outside person to ask, “Are you OK?” If you see someone you care about acting differently than they usually do wearing a poker face, take the time to reach out. Break the silence, release that pain. Even if they are not ready to talk about it, it gives them a chance to know it’s ok to be vulnerable and authentic. This is the only time healing can happen, not to mention allowing connection to grow.
When we are holding in negative emotions, we physically start to live in a state of survival. The body shuts down the frontal lobe, the part of our brain that allows us to listen, learn, love, share or experience any of the positive emotions. In caveman times this is when we had to run for our lives. The body produces the chemicals of stress, cortisol, and adrenaline, that give us immediate fuel but leave us feeling depleted when they're gone. Suppressing your emotions can make you tired and sapped of vital energy. (also called BURNOUT)
When we are walking around all day in survival mode, we are unable to share our appreciation and praise with others. Hiding your praise keep you from building connection. Why do we need connection? It is one of our species most vital human needs. It is directly connected to many other needs like safety, certainty, support, love, and community. The positive effects of being authentic are contagious. When everyone is committed to being authentic the group becomes limitless. When we are authentic with ourselves, we can easily process the information emotions bring to the surface, freeing ourselves from boiling them inside. (more about that in another blog…) I’m not to saying that you have to feel fabulous all the time, everyone has their ups and downs. It's how we process our emotions that enables us to live beyond the state of mere survival. Once you learn how to use emotions as information, success is inevitable. All possibility is available, rendering you LIMITLESS!!!
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Being authentic also means you can be who you truly are, embodied with the special powers that you possess. When we are being our authentic selves our individual talents can rise to the surface. When we are in survival mode we tend to try to blend in and keep our gifts to ourselves. A group of diverse powerhouses (like the A team, or the Marvel Superheroes) is much more effective than everyone being good at the same thing at the same time. This group diversity spreads the range of our personal influence as well as intensifying the power of the team.
So, remember, don't be afraid to respectfully express your needs at any given time. This is how babies get fed and grow up to be strong. If it works for them it can work for you!!! Be mindful of when those you are interacting with are not being their normal selves and show you care. Let your individuality shine and appreciate the uniqueness of others. In this time of uncertainty this helps to bring a connected sense of community. We need to appreciate all the diversity. This perspective allows authenticity to be the new normal and will keep us out of survival mode. Thus, enabling all who care to be authentic to live in thriving mode!!!
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